In the 1986 movie, Clockwise, John Cleese’s character Brian Stimpson utters the words, “It’s not the despair. I can stand the despair. It’s the hope.”
This line perfectly sums up the plight of aspiring authors. If you’re like me then you’ve submitted work to literary agents before. In fact, I think I’ve submitted around seven or eight times and each time, the response is the same.
Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect €200.
Or words to that effect.
And every time I submit, I am prepared for failure. I am ready for that despair. In fact, and this is quite a negative view, I have conditioned myself to expect it. After all, I’ve got a great deal of experience at being rejected. The emails are well into their hundreds. Initially I thought it an achievement to get a rejection. I had written a manuscript, re-written it and re-written it again. I had then prepared a submission to the absolute letter of the agent’s guidelines. But after time, the pride one feels with each rejection diminishes.
And it’s because of this crazy little thing called HOPE.
Each time I prepare my submission, this nagging sensation known as HOPE kicks in. The feeling that, this time, something could be different. That, this time, someone will see something in my writing. In my book. In me!
HOPE is what makes my fingers tremble as I hit send for the very first time with each submission. HOPE is what makes me bounce around with nervous energy as my brain conjures up all the positive outcomes and possibilities. HOPE is what spurs me on each day to achieve my goal, in the belief that I will, eventually, succeed.
But HOPE is also the thing that hurts.
You see, HOPE brings fantastic highs but also sets up terrible lows. Because when that manuscript gets rejected over and over again, reality kicks in. You feel silly for ever hoping in the first place. For ever dreaming of the possibilities. And it really does hurt. It’s a hit to your confidence. You feel worn out. You start to resign yourself to the distinct possibility that you just aren’t cut out for this writing business.
And then HOPE rears its head again and the process starts afresh.
The truth is that HOPE is important. Actually, it’s essential. It’s one of the most important attributes someone can have. Without HOPE, we would never do anything. We would never strive for a better life. Believe that we could achieve anything. Hell, without HOPE we would never even get out of bed in the morning.
I embrace HOPE every day. I cherish it. I nurture it. I treat it like a friend. And I look forward to the day when the two of us skip hand in hand towards our goals.
And then it won’t seem so crazy after all.
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